Are You Bringing Your Whole Self to Work?

Are You Bringing Your Whole Self to Work?

It’s interesting when I reflect on how I used to act and feel in the workplace. I learned from a young age that it was important to separate my work life from my personal life. In doing so I could protect myself, and in the workplace I would only share the parts of myself that I felt were valued. For example, my ability to write, to facilitate, to work collaboratively with others.

I recall when launching my coaching business in 2009, after 10.5 years of doing management consulting, how I felt like I could only share my new business with certain clients. Others I thought would think I was going “woo woo”.  After researching and writing program and policy documents in the health field, designing and facilitating multistakeholder and consultative processes, and doing qualitative studies, I launched the Creative Healing Center, a virtual center, where we coached people through various life transitions and integrated this with creativity, eastern psychology, the health-promoting and healing benefits of the arts, and alternative modalities. At that time, I felt like I was trying to balance on two Swiss balls and was being challenged to do so. I felt that my logical left brain that I had been operating from for so long, (or so I thought), was now being challenged by my creative and empathic right brain.

Recently in chatting with a Diversity and Inclusion consultant, biracial friend and colleague, she spoke about “code-switching”[1] and how women of color typically show up differently at work compared to with friends and at home. They do this because they feel and understand, based on experience, that if they bring their whole selves to work, they will not be valued, respected or promoted.

It made me reflect on which environments I felt most comfortable bringing my whole self to work in. Curiously it was in cross-cultural situations where I was working internationally with teams from countries such as Pakistan, Colombia, Nigeria, and Afghanistan; with people from cultures other than my own, that I brought my whole self to work. Curious isn’t it? Perhaps I had internalized from a young age that it was better to only share parts of myself in the North American work environment; and not to acknowledge my intuition and creativity?

How about you? Do you bring your whole self to work? What environments facilitate that? Which ones prevent you from sharing your whole self and why? I welcome your thoughts and comments below.


[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/achieving-health-equity/202012/what-is-code-switching

How to Feel the Fear & Take the Leap

How to Feel the Fear & Take the Leap

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase: Just do it! OR Feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes these words are easier said than done.

I’m someone who has experienced a lot of changes throughout my life and taken my share of leaps. That said right now I feel some resistance to fully taking the leap into my new business focus and direction.  So I asked myself: What’s holding me back?

This is what came to me:

  • I will be so passionate that I will work night and day and burn out. I have a deep-seated belief (that I thought I had let go of) that If I throw myself passionately into something that I will lose my work-life balance and it will ultimately affect my health, relationships … Do you relate?
  • My fear of not giving enough
  • Fear of not spending enough time with family and friends.

Have you noticed any resistance or fears surfacing as you move toward your dreams for the New Year and a new chapter? If so, I encourage you to take some time to “go inside” and ask yourself: Why am I resisting moving forward? Notice what thoughts and emotions come up for you and where they are in your body. I invite you to journal about those thoughts and feelings.

If you notice a strong emotion coming up, identify where it is in your body. Notice what color it is and if there is a texture associated with it (e.g. dense, heavy, sharp). Breathe into it and say “Thanks for protecting me all of these years. I now choose to release and let go of you.” Then imagine that emotion in a bubble in front of you and thankfully release and let go of it. See it floating off into the sky or breaking into a million pieces. Then go back into your body. Imagine there is soft, golden healing light coming into your body from the top of your head down to your toes. Go to the place where you let go of the intense emotion and imagine an opposite emotion (e.g. happiness and fulfillment) and visualize what that looks like for you. It could be a glowing golden ball of light. Imagine that glowing golden ball of light on awakening each day and if/when the fear or resistance shows up. Know that you are loved, safe and protected.

If you’re still feeling the presence of a strong resistance or fear in your body I invite you to ask the question: For example; Why am I resisting creating a plan? For me, my logical left-brain says: “You know what to do. You teach people how to plan and facilitate strategic and operational planning sessions for organizations.” When I ask the question again and go into my body, what comes up is that at this point in my life I’m balking structure. Can you relate? I’ve spent so much of my life dreaming new dreams and starting new businesses and initiatives that part of me is tired and wants more ease and spontaneity.

Here are a few lessons that have supported me to “take my next leap” and that came to me when I asked: How can I move forward and have the healthy, happy, balanced and abundant life that I want in 2019?

  • Carve time out each day to nurture yourself whether it be a walk in nature, a yoga class or coffee with a friend.
  • Create a vision board and every morning look at it and say aloud: I’m so happy and grateful I’m living a life that includes … (and at the end say) this and MORE!” (tip from Mary Morrissey)
  • Put activities into your agenda to support you to do what you need to feel healthy, happy and fulfilled plus run a profitable business that you enjoy (or do work you love) that makes a positive difference in the world.
  • Plan to meet with one or more friends once a week or more for coffee and/or a walk
  • Listen to your body and if you feel you need a nature “hit” go for a walk through the park and/or by the ocean and take in all of the beauty that surrounds you
  • Reach out to one or more potential new clients each week day
  • Make time to do something creative several times a week. It could be writing a new blog or LinkedIn article, painting, dancing …
  • Remind yourself of your essence for this year (mine is “playfulness”), feel in your body how it feels to be playful and ask How can I be playful today?
  • Include at least one stretch (i.e. one thing that puts you out of your comfort zone) at least once a week.

I welcome your thoughts and experiences you’ve had when starting something new below. “What beliefs and emotions have come up for you? What strategies have you found helpful/that have enabled you to take the leap; to feel the fear and do it anyway?”

How to Deal with the Anxiety associated with Change

How to Deal with the Anxiety associated with Change

Often when we’re facing a life change; it could be a job loss, retirement, separation, a health challenge; we feel anxious. Our heart begins to race and we feel like we want to run away from the situation. It is difficult to focus and often times we want to go back to the way things were. We feel overwhelmed by all that lies ahead of us, and are uncertain about our future.

When this happens, what can you do to get out of this cycle of anxiety?

Here are some proven strategies:

  • Take slow deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, keeping your mouth open and releasing sound when you exhale. Repeat this about five times and notice how you feel. This exercise releases oxytocin, the hormone that relaxes and calms us. When you have taken a few slow, deep, conscious breaths, you should begin to feel more relaxed.

 

  • Do body scanning on awakening and/or before going to sleep. Lie in bed and scan your body slowly from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. While doing this notice any tension or pain. If you do, breathe into that area and set the intention to release the tension or pain.

 

  • Spend regular time in nature. Find a special place you feel connected to. For me there is a place on the rocks by the ocean close to where I live. When I go there and lie on the rocks, I feel so grounded, relaxed and protected. Did you know that the Japanese have done longitudinal studies to show that when we walk among trees it reduces our heart rate, reduces our blood pressure and increases the number of natural killer cells our bodies produce?

 

  • Do mindfulness walking meditations starting with three times a week for 20 to 30 minutes each time. When you do this, instead of going for a walk and thinking about all that has happened or all you have to do, instead focus on your senses. Notice the wind on your face, the smell of the salt sea air, the crunch of leaves underfoot, the sound of the birds, the beautiful vistas that surround you. When thoughts come into your head, which they inevitably will do, imagine they are clouds and let them float by or imagine putting them in a bubble and seeing them float away, and refocus on your senses.

 

  • Repeat to yourself several times each day, “I am safe, it’s only change. “ (a favourite of mine from Louise Hay) Post this affirmation where you will see it, e.g. on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator door.

 

  • Move your body. Put on some music you enjoy and dance around your kitchen or wherever. Feel the music and let it flow through you.

 

  • Tap into and express your creative side. Do something creative that you enjoy. Perhaps it’s painting, drawing, playing the piano, gardening. It could be something you did as a child that you no longer do or something you’ve always wanted to try. When you tap into and express your creative side, you feel like a child at play, lighter and filled with wonder. This opens you up to exploring the positive side of the change you are experiencing, and to the belief that change is a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities.

I’d love to hear from you some strategies you’ve found helpful to reduce the anxiety associated with change. Feel free to post your comments below and to share this article with others.

The Power of Place

The Power of Place

I just returned from three relaxing and fun weeks vacation in Mexico. We spent two of those weeks in a magical fishing village, which made me reflect on and appreciate the power of place.

Have you ever visited a place and felt like you were “home”? Whenever I enter this pueblo, any stress I have instantly drops away. I feel relaxed, playful, open to possibility, “in the flow”. There is also a special sense of community in this town where locals and foreigners live peacefully together.

Some years ago, a woman from California started a children’s art and music festival that is still held every year in March. Over time, though her hard work and dedication, she gathered human and material resources and now the festival has grown to include a bricks and mortar community center with a library, computer room, recycling depot, coffee shop and a small retail space. It is a place that offers courses for girls and boys, women and men on everything from entrepreneurship, to environmental education, to sustainable development, The center has a truly welcoming atmosphere and is aptly called Entre Amigos (among friends). People who visit from largely Canada and the US often volunteer time to contribute to projects and help with fundraising.

A sponsorship program has been developed whereby Canadians and Americans (many of whom live there 6 months a year) sponsor promising local Mexican high school students to attend college and university.

Last year we attended a fundraiser for the local hospital where many talented local children performed music, dancing, gymnastics … . It was an animated community event. Every year there is a well-organized music festival in the local plaza (square) with amazing performers from around Mexico and a few from other countries.

What keeps my partner and I coming back to this magical place? It’s a combination of the welcoming and supportive atmosphere, the natural beauty, the strong sense of community and the positive bonds and caring evident among the locals and those who visit for periods of time. It’s also a community where I feel I can contribute and make some sort of positive difference. Plus I get to speak Spanish, and for some reason I have a natural affinity for Latin culture.

I have also experienced the power of place closer to home. When I’m feeling stressed and want to ground and unwind, there is a place by the ocean about 10 minutes from our home that I walk to. When I lay on the rocks and feel the sun on my body, any tension drops away and is absorbed by the rocks. I feel so grateful to live so close to this place of natural beauty.

Have you experienced the power of place? I’d love to hear your experiences and see descriptions of your magical places. Feel free to share those below and to forward this post to others. I also encourage you if you haven’t already, to find a place close to where you live that you can go to relax, reconnect and let your stress melt away.

 

 

 

The Power of Being Kind to Yourself

The Power of Being Kind to Yourself

I’ve come to believe that if I don’t truly love myself and treat myself with kindness, I’m unable to have a happy, fulfilling and healthy relationship with someone else.

February is celebrated as the month of love in many countries around the world. It’s often thought of in the context of romantic love. That said, this month has got me thinking about self-love and being kind to myself. I believe in the saying If you aren’t good to yourself, no one else will be. 

We often give so much to others that there is little left for ourselves and we feel depleted, exhausted and at times resentful. We think that if we say “No” that others won’t like us or we’ll be letting them down. I know for sure that when you set healthy boundaries, people sense and respect them and still love you, perhaps even more.

So What does being kind to yourself look and feel like for you?

For me it looks like:

  • Taking time each day to do something special for me
  • Meditating each morning.
  • Doing yoga 3 times a week or more
  • Walking in nature once a week or more
  • Booking trips and making time to visit my grandchildren every quarter
  • Truly being present with family and friends when I am with them
  • In yoga class, listening to my body and not pushing myself when I feel low in energy
  • Taking time to breathe and “smell the roses’ instead of constantly thinking about my “to-do” list
  • Listening to music I love
  • Letting my inner child come out to play regularly – through dancing around my kitchen, finger painting without a picture in mind, swimming, kayaking, hiking, cycling
  • When my inner critic begins to chatter in my head, saying a loud NO to it and stating “I’m not listening to you any more” and then reframing the negative chatter into a positive statement and saying it aloud
  • Treating myself to a massage
  • Treating myself to a pedicure

When I’m kind to myself I feel:

  • Relaxed
  • Playful
  • Fully present
  • At ease
  • Free of negative chatter
  • Grateful
  • Creative
  • In “the flow”
  • Fun to be around
  • Inspired

I invite you to answer this question and notice what flows out of you. I challenge you to begin every morning thinking about and choosing at least one way you wish to be kind to yourself that day. During the day notice how you feel when you are doing so, and also how others respond to you. Continue doing this each day for three weeks and notice what difference it makes in your life.

What I know to be true is that when we’re kind to ourselves magical things happen!

I’d love to hear from you and what you do to be kind to yourself, as well as what you notice when you intentionally do this. Please share your comments below and feel free to forward this post to others.