I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase: Just do it! OR Feel the fear and do it
anyway. Sometimes these words are easier said than done.
I’m someone who has experienced a lot of changes throughout
my life and taken my share of leaps. That said right now I feel some resistance
to fully taking the leap into my new business focus and direction. So I asked myself: What’s holding me back?
This is what came to me:
- I will be so passionate that I will work night and day and burn out. I have a deep-seated belief (that I thought I had let go of) that If I throw myself passionately into something that I will lose my work-life balance and it will ultimately affect my health, relationships … Do you relate?
- My fear of not giving enough
- Fear of not spending enough time with family and friends.
Have you noticed any
resistance or fears surfacing as you move toward your dreams for the New
Year and a new chapter? If so, I encourage you to take some time to “go inside”
and ask yourself: Why am I resisting
moving forward? Notice what thoughts and emotions come up for you and where
they are in your body. I invite you to journal about those thoughts and
If you notice a strong emotion coming up, identify where it
is in your body. Notice what color it is and if there is a texture associated
with it (e.g. dense, heavy, sharp). Breathe into it and say “Thanks for protecting
me all of these years. I now choose to release and let go of you.” Then imagine
that emotion in a bubble in front of you and thankfully release and let go of
it. See it floating off into the sky or breaking into a million pieces. Then go
back into your body. Imagine there is soft, golden healing light coming into
your body from the top of your head down to your toes. Go to the place where
you let go of the intense emotion and imagine an opposite emotion (e.g.
happiness and fulfillment) and visualize what that looks like for you. It could
be a glowing golden ball of light. Imagine that glowing golden ball of light on
awakening each day and if/when the fear or resistance shows up. Know that you
are loved, safe and protected.
If you’re still feeling the presence of a strong resistance
or fear in your body I invite you to ask the question: For example; Why am I resisting creating a plan? For
me, my logical left-brain says: “You know what to do. You teach people how to
plan and facilitate strategic and operational planning sessions for
organizations.” When I ask the question again and go into my body, what comes
up is that at this point in my life I’m balking structure. Can you relate? I’ve spent so much of my life dreaming new dreams
and starting new businesses and initiatives that part of me is tired and wants
more ease and spontaneity.
Here are a few lessons that have supported me to “take my
next leap” and that came to me when I asked: How can I move forward and have the healthy, happy, balanced and
abundant life that I want in 2019?
- Carve time out each day to nurture yourself whether it be a walk in nature, a yoga class or coffee with a friend.
- Create a vision board and every morning look at it and say aloud: I’m so happy and grateful I’m living a life that includes … (and at the end say) this and MORE!” (tip from Mary Morrissey)
- Put activities into your agenda to support you to do what you need to feel healthy, happy and fulfilled plus run a profitable business that you enjoy (or do work you love) that makes a positive difference in the world.
- Plan to meet with one or more friends once a week or more for coffee and/or a walk
- Listen to your body and if you feel you need a nature “hit” go for a walk through the park and/or by the ocean and take in all of the beauty that surrounds you
- Reach out to one or more potential new clients each week day
- Make time to do something creative several times a week. It could be writing a new blog or LinkedIn article, painting, dancing …
- Remind yourself of your essence for this year (mine is “playfulness”), feel in your body how it feels to be playful and ask How can I be playful today?
- Include at least one stretch (i.e. one thing that puts you out of your comfort zone) at least once a week.
I welcome your thoughts and experiences you’ve had when starting something new below. “What beliefs and emotions have come up for you? What strategies have you found helpful/that have enabled you to take the leap; to feel the fear and do it anyway?”
We are hard-wired to perceive change as a threat. Our primitive brain likes to keep us safe and has enabled humans to survive through time. When our amygdala (part of the brain) detects fear, it sends messages to our bodies to go into fight, flight or freeze mode. This explains why some of us become angry as a result of a change being imposed on us, fearful and wanting to run away from a situation rather than face it, or paralyzed and unable to think clearly or to move forward.
So, how can we reduce our fear of change given this biological reality? Norman Doidge in The Brain that Changes Itself provides powerful evidence that our thoughts and perceptions have the power to change the structure of our brains. In other words, if we create new beliefs around change and internalize them, we also create new neural pathways that enable us to respond positively to change rather than view it as a threat. Candace Pert in her landmark book Molecules of Emotion provides strong evidence that our thoughts and emotions affect our bodies.
Given these facts, how can we reduce our fear of change? Here are some proven strategies. We can:
- Understand how we respond to change and why – A simple exercise is to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 related to how you respond to change: “1” being it scares me to death and “10” being I thrive on it. Another way is to spend some time reflecting on the barriers you have towards change and writing them down. A number of barriers to change have been identified in the literature including: becoming paralyzed by fear, procrastinating, blaming others, believing we can’t do something or are not worthy, always focusing on problems rather than solutions, getting stuck in old habits or denying change is happening, and not being willing to put in the effort required to make a change. Ask yourself, What barriers do I have to embracing change in general, and in this particular situation? E.g. changing jobs, leaving an unsatisfying relationship, accepting a new leader in my organization. Notice past patterns in your life.
- Become aware of our beliefs around change – Close your eyes and think about a recent change; one that you didn’t choose but was imposed on you. Examples include: lay-off, separation, relocation. Notice what words come up for you. Write them down. Begin with the stem “Change is”_______ and fill in the blank. Do a brain dump and write down all the words that come up to define what change means to you. Examples are “Change is scary”; “Change is to be avoided at all costs” …
- Try on some new beliefs about change; such as “Change opens me up to new possibilities”, “Embracing change is a creative process”, “Change provides me with an opportunity to learn and grow”. Post one of these positive beliefs where you will see it at least 3 times a day – on your computer, bathroom mirror…and say this belief aloud each time you see it. Do this for 21 to 30 days and observe what you notice.
- Become aware of how we perceive change and replace our negative feelings and emotions with positive and empowering ones. Ariane de Bonvoisin in “The First 30 Days – Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier” identifies six “change demons” and their antidotes. The six change demons are: fear, doubt, blame, guilt, shame and impatience. She explains that the change demons “help us navigate through change by alerting us if we are off course and encouraging us to choose a different emotion to help us get where we want to go.” Being aware of which emotion you are feeling and replacing each one with positive and empowering emotions and antidotes are key to learning from and navigating change and dealing with uncertainty. The six change demons and their antidotes are:
||surrender (to not knowing)
||honesty (taking responsibility for our role in situations)
||honor (your dark or shadow side)
- Introduce small changes into your daily routine. Take a different route to work. Eat something different for breakfast. Walk or cycle to work instead of driving. Do this for a month and observe what you notice. Change is like a muscle. The more change you choose in your life, the more flexible you tend to become.
What change demons are your facing? How do you typically respond to change? What strategies will you begin integrating into your life to reduce your fear of change?
I welcome your comments below. Feel free to share this post with others.