Two nights ago we pulled out of our driveway leaving the home where we had shared many happy moments over the past 8 years. I had felt overwhelming sadness when I returned to ready our house for the new owners. I let the sadness wash over me rather than pushing it away, and realized this was part of the process of letting go of the home and life I had enjoyed.
Over the past week, we had sold and given away furniture and belongings, keeping in mind what would fit into the two-bedroom apartment we had rented. The last night in our home, my Sweetie and I shared our last romantic dinner on the deck, our last hot tub, the last night together in our home. We celebrated the ending of special times in this place and also the beginning of our new simpler and “down-sized” life.
When we left our home, bereft of all our furniture and belongings, I realized it was no longer our home, but rather a house for the new owners to make their own. I noticed that I had no sadness as we left, but rather a new sense of freedom and adventure. I also realized that I can make a home wherever I choose. By surrounding myself with a few possessions that bring me joy, choosing to connect with new people and places, and creating positive experiences with people I care about, that is what home is truly all about.
If you’ve experienced a similar situation I invite you to reflect on and share your thoughts and feelings below. Perhaps there is a relationship, a position, a place you haven’t completely let go of. Reflect on this. Here are some strategies to help you to finally let go.
1) Reflect on the end of a job, relationship, place you’ve lived in the past. Notice if any sadness or strong feelings come up for you. If they do, let them wash over you rather than resisting or pushing them away. You may also wish to journal about the situation or experience.
2) Forgive yourself or a person for a way you or they acted in the past. One way to do this is Suze Casey’s forgiveness process: Say the following aloud …
- “I forgive myself for believing that I have to beat myself up what I said. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t.
- I give myself permission to be kinder to myself – beating myself up doesn’t make it better.
- I choose to kind to myself by learning what I can from the situation and focus on the positive opposite.
- I can beat myself up, or I can learn and move forward. I choose to learn and move forward.
- I’m free to learn to be more in the positive vibration – it feels like me.
- The kinder I am to myself, the easier it is to learn and move forward.
- I use every situation as an opportunity to learn and move forward.” (http://suzecasey.com/)
3) Celebrate the ending and new beginning.
4) Surround yourself with people and possessions that bring you joy.
I look forward to reading your thoughts below. Feel free to share this post with others who you think might enjoy it.
Your post is touching me deeply. I asked my boss today for three months unpaid leave to recover from a chronic illness I have been battling for over a year.
I have been resistant to let go of who I think I am and the things I pressure myself I should be able to do. Today, I see these three months off (that I can luckily afford) as a present to my health. I am giving myself permission to be different, recover fully and have different needs that the ones I used to have.
I feel freer and ready for a positive change
Dear Sandra, Congratulations! Good for you for taking some time off for yourself, and for being open to change and grow. That took alot of courage. So often we as women think that we SHOULD be able to do anything and everything for everyone! Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. You touched ME deeply. Warm Hugs, Pam
Thank you for posting. A year ago my husband and I decided to let go too. We moved from our 6 bedroomed family home in Spain to a two-roomed house in Zanzibar. In order to do so, we ditched a lot of baggage, both emotionally and physically. We have never been happier with our two 20kg suitcases. I wish you lots of happiness also.
Hi Kay, Thank you for sharing your experience of moving from Spain to Zanzibar. Wow! That was a down-size 🙂 Thanks also for your warm wishes. Pam
When I downsized and went into a smaller apartment, with maybe a third of what I used to own, I had such a sense of freedom. I had no idea how much all of that stuff was weighing me down. It was life affirming.
Hi Barb, Thanks for sharing your experience. Indeed I do feel lighter yet am still trying to find room for some things that I’m having challenges letting go of 🙂
Sometimes it is so hard to let go… Our minds are stubborn that way. But fortunately, with help and support from our loved ones, letting go is possible. I have the tendency to beat myself up over the smallest things… I often need reminding not to do so. Thank you for this post, Pam.
Hi Mihaela, Happy you found my post helpful. Indeed it is often hard to let go. We are such creatures of habit, and keeping things the same helps us feel safe and secure. That said, change and stretching our comfort zones is so important for us to learn and grow. Support from others indeed is helpful in letting go. Thanks!
I’ve found it hard sometimes to let go of ideas of how life should be, so learning and moving forward has been key for me. Great tips and great post!
Hi Felicia, Thanks for sharing your experiences and for your positive feedback. In appreciation :0
Pamela – love that you and your sweetie are taking a path of a simpler life with fewer possessions. I also love that you are so grateful that the house you once shared with all of its memories. Letting yourself grieve for that loss is such an important process for moving forward.
Thanks Lea Tran for your thoughtful comments. Indeed it is important to allow ourselves to grieve a loss in order to move forward. It is all a part of learning and growing 🙂
Pam, having moved 17 times in 27 years (I know, it seems impossible to some), I’ve learned to let go of what no longer serves me. While it was difficult to part with many of my belongings over the years, it is freeing! I have such a sense of lightness and can truly focus on what is necessary to my happiness. I slowly learned to apply this to my relationships and day to day life as well. Letting go is good for us!
Hi Tae Lynne, Wow! 17 times in 27 years, you definitely have experienced much “letting go”. Good for you! I appreciate the sense of lightness you speak of and find it interesting that you’ve learned to apply this to your relationships as well. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
I guess we all have had things we’ve said or done that we immediately regret. Too late to take it back! But we can own our mistake and move past. Think how that person would want to be remembered. Chances are, the person forgives you faster than you forgive yourself; most probably, have forgotten the whole encounter. It really is time to give yourself a break. It’s too much of a weight to bear!
Hi Cynthia,
Yes, forgiveness is huge for many of us. Thanks for sharing your wisdom regarding this. I have found Jack Kornfield’s forgiveness meditation helpful to forgive ourselves and others https://jackkornfield.com/forgiveness-meditation/.