I’m in the recovery phase of shingles. [1] For those of you who’ve had it, you know it’s not fun and quite painful. For those who haven’t, I hope you never get it.
You may be wondering what shingles has to do with overusing your masculine side. Shingles presents with a red rash that follows your nerve endings. It typically starts on your trunk and goes down one side of your body. For me, it started at my lower back and went down the right side of my body, the masculine side.
What’s the difference between our masculine and feminine sides and masculine and feminine energy? The table below illustrates the differences.
Feminine Energy (Yin) BEING & GIVING
Masculine Energy (Yang) DOING & RECEIVING
Creative
Linear & Logical
Intuitive
Analytical
Receptive
Assertive
Collaborative
Competitive
Emotional
Rational
Passionate
Determined
Empathetic
Objective
Allows for “flow”
Goal-directed
Associated with left side of our body
Associated with right side of our body
As leaders and change-makers, (and you may be a leader in your family, community, workplace, business), it’s important that we use both sides of our body and both types of energy. When we don’t, our body, mind, relationships, and” success” at home and work are negatively impacted. For example, if we are constantly in our masculine energy, over time it leads to illness, lack of fulfillment, restlessness and unhappiness. Conversely, if we are dominated by feminine energy, we can become needy, resentful, ill and insecure.
It is important to note that a balance between yin and yang does not necessarily mean 50% yin and 50% yang. It means learning to create your own unique mix so that your happiness is amplified and your success (how you define it) is enhanced.
How does this apply to my recent bout of shingles? I realize I have been “breaking” one of my “rules” related to working. I have a “rule” that I typically turn off my computer before having dinner. That way I have a few hours before retiring to share time with my partner, relax and ideally not think about work. I realize lately I’ve been on the computer after dinner sometimes till 9:30 pm or later. I also typically leave spaces in my agenda to take daily walks in nature. I have been “falling down” a bit on that one as well.
So how can you balance your masculine and feminine sides?
Spend time in nature five or more days a week. Often a 20-to-30-minute walk enables you to return to work re-energized with increased focus and creativity. If this is new to you, start slowly and do three days a week for 20 minutes and gradually increase the time.
Unplug from technology for at least one entire day each week (Saturdays work best for me). I’ve found this strategy truly re-energizes me and others I’ve shared it with.
Get at least 7 hours sleep a night and go to sleep at the same time each night (if possible). Sleep is necessary to rejuvenate and repair our bodies and having a regular schedule supports deep and healing sleep.
Instead of leaping out of bed each day and “hitting the ground running” make a conscious effort before you get up toquiet your mind and scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. Notice any tension or discomfort; breathe into these areas and consciously release and let go of the tension.
Meditate regularly (ideally daily) for 10 to 20 minutes. There are a number of digital products available to help you do this. I have found Deepak and Oprah’s 21-day meditation experiences helpful as they focus on a key theme, and each day break down the theme. In addition, beautiful nature sounds, and music play in the background to assist you in relaxing and staying focused.
Practice yoga at least three times a week. A style of yoga I’ve found particularly helpful in balancing the right and left sides of my body is yin yoga. It is a meditative form of yoga done in a warm room and focuses on holding poses for up to five minutes. This “untangles” our connective tissue which grows “fuzz” during the night. If we don’t stretch and untangle our connective tissue, it results in reduced movement and flexibility and ultimately in contractures. Check out Dr. Fuzz on YouTube.
Eat a healthy diet rich in fresh, colorful, unprocessed foods at each meal.
I welcome your suggestions on what you’ve found helpful to “balance” your masculine/yang and feminine/yin sides and energies.
[1] For anyone who has had chickenpox, you have the possibility of getting shingles sometime in your life. It’s caused by the herpes zoster virus which stays in your body and presents itself as shingles when your immune system is compromised.
I am particularly drawn to Barbara Gray’s definition: “a process through which parties who see different aspects of a problem constructively explore their differences and search for solutions that go beyond their own limited vision of what is possible”[1](Gray, 1989, p. 5). Gray likens collaboration to a kaleidoscope in which the multiple stakeholders are the colored pieces of glass within a kaleidoscope that when turned may be likened to the outcome of a successful collaboration in which the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
How can you as a leader nurture and support intra-organizational collaboration (i.e. collaboration within one organization?) [2]
Believe in the power of collaboration and that two, three, or more heads are better than one. I recall when I co-chaired a national strategy in the late 1980s/early 1990s for a federal government department, how much I looked forward to and enjoyed our face-to-face meetings. I experienced the synergy that was created when representatives from diverse organizations and cultures got together, created a common vision, strategy and a plan for moving forward. That was when I realized the power of collaboration and “how a number of heads are better than one.”
Commit to collaboration organizationally (e.g. make it one of your core values). Here’s a value from an organization I facilitated the strategic plan with. Partnership and Collaboration – We believe in the meaningful engagement of a wide range of stakeholders. We see our role as facilitators of multilevel, interdisciplinary and intersectoral cooperation and collaboration.
Follow a tried-and-true process to develop and implement collaboration; (hiring a skilled, neutral outside consultant to facilitate the process is helpful, particularly if a project is complex and strategic). This includes creating a shared vision for the project, clarifying the purpose, goals, roles, accountabilities, timelines and some indicators for measuring success along the way. It is also important to trust the process.
Identify the skill sets needed for a particular project and then recruit representatives from various areas/departments/divisions from across the organization to be part of this cross-functional and multi-disciplinary project team. Diversity of expertise, experience, and perspective is a key ingredient for successful collaboration.[3]
Clarify for all participants how this project fits into the strategic plan for the organization. While working in Afghanistan and assisting the Ministry of Public Health to develop their first strategic plan, I also assisted them to revise their operational planning process and templates so that each department/division identified how their projects and various activities fit into the larger strategic plan (by strategic direction), as part of their quarterly and annual work-planning. This proved helpful for people at all levels within the organization and made them feel that they were part of something greater than themselves.
Encourage learning and documenting lessons along the way. I’ve found it useful to have regular points within a project (e.g. bi-annually or annually) when the team identifies and documents through a facilitated process what is working well/ what is not/their concerns? And what suggestions can be offered to address the concerns? Make it clear to folks that it is okay to share concerns and to make mistakes and learn from them.
Encourage and support creativity and “out of the box” thinking. Making it clear that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them facilitates creativity and innovation.
Create a high-level team for the collaborative project to report to (e.g. annually), and reward team members for a job well done.
Encourage the lessons learned from each collaborative project to be shared with others within the organization so each project builds on the other, rather than “reinventing the wheel.”
I welcome your thoughts and questions on this article.
[1] Gray, Barbara. Collaborating: Finding Common Ground for Multiparty Problems. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1989.
[2] Note that these strategies also work for inter-organizational collaboration (i.e. between different organizations)
[3] Savage, David. Breakthrough to Yes – Unlocking the Possible within a Culture of Collaboration. Boise: Elevate Publishing, 2016.
I was recently nudged to reread a book I wrote ten years ago. From that experience I’m called to share my reflections and reframe the book through a lens that I hope will make it more valued and understood by more people. This is the first in a series of posts on those reflections.
In the past ten years, more and more influential women, and some men, are coming out of the woodwork and acknowledging that they have burnt out. An example is Jacinda Ardern, the former Prime Minister of New Zealand who in January 2023, announced “I no longer have enough in the tank to do the job”, and declared that was why she was stepping down.
It is being acknowledged more widely that the traditional ways of doing business and being successful; of driving and striving, valuing competition over collaboration, and leading from our heads and egos rather than from our hearts, are no longer sustainable. Arianna Huffington, co-founder of the Huffington Post and founder and CEO of Thrive Global, has shared her story of collapsing from overwork and why she created Thrive Global. It was as a result of her experience of “working day and night” and the negative impact it had, and her desire to share that there is a healthier way to be “successful”.
The experience of the pandemic caused many people to burn out. Working at home, many parents had to also look after their children which stretched them very thin. Others had difficulty creating boundaries between their work and home life. Still others felt isolated which led to depression and other mental health issues.
In 2014 I said that I “almost” burnt out[1] and I didn’t acknowledge that I had, which I now do.
I now have heightened awareness of the importance for me of being in nature every day, and what happens when I don’t get my nature “hits”.
What remains the same since writing “Learning to Dance with Life”
Some things remain the same. For example, the seven keys in my book are still relevant. Seven keys to consciously cultivating improved health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace in your life, and the powerful practices associated with each one, supporting us to heal from the inside out.
The proven strategies and powerful practices woven throughout the book are based on evidence from neuroscience, eastern psychology, and the health-promoting and healing benefits of the arts, and my own journey as well as that of women I have coached, all of which are being recognized more broadly as supporting healing and positive health and well-being.
The link between High Achieving Women and burnout. My work and the growing body of research related to burnout demonstrates that having qualities of a High Achieving Woman increase your risk of burning out.
When I was writing “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for High Achieving Women” my editor wondered whether a more appropriate title might be “Learning to Dance with Life: A Guide for Driven Women”. Perhaps that is so, as many women who I would consider “high achieving” do not perceive themselves as such. While writing “Learning to Life” I interviewed women from three continents who I perceived as high achieving and some of them said things like, “I’m not a High Achieving Women or, I don’t have any great accomplishments to my name, or I’m not in the corporate world, or it sounds arrogant to call myself a High Achieving Woman.” I think that is still the case today.
I identified nineteen attributes of High Achieving Women that I validated in my interviews that still hold true today (in chapter 1). The majority of High Achieving Women tend to give more than they receive, and many are challenged to reach out for support. The also spend much more time doing than being.
Why I focused on women.
More and more women are becoming leaders, managers and entrepreneurs
Increasing numbers of women are primary breadwinners in their families
Women in all cultures transmit their values and wisdom to their families
Women have the power to change the world.
Why I wrote the book including that “I’m called to get the message out about the negative impacts on our bodies, minds and relationships that result from driving ourselves, not listening to our bodies, and living in our left brain (p. 4).”
I welcome your thoughts and comments below on what you believe has changed in the past 10 years related to burnout and how to prevent and heal from it.
I’ve witnessed the havoc resisting change can wreak on our bodies, our minds, our relationships, our organizations, and our bottom lines. What if instead we learned to embrace change and view it as an opportunity, as a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities. That is the belief on which the “Art of Change Framework” is based. It is aimed at turning change on its head. How do we do that?
The 5-step “Art of Change Framework” guides you through a process where you explore how you typically respond to change and why, identify what you need to let go of in relation to a change to move forward, envision that new life, business, relationship, work of your dreams and create an action plan to move from where you are to where you want to be. It is based on my own work with clients from around the world, my own journey, and is underpinned by evidence from neuroscience, eastern psychology, the health-promoting and healing benefits of the arts and organizational development. It can be used for both personal and professional change, for individuals, and also leaders and their teams.
I invite you to rate yourself on a scale from one to ten in terms of how you typically respond to change and why (one being “scares me to death” and ten being “I thrive on it”). Now rate yourself on the same scale in terms of how you typically respond to a change that is imposed on you; one that you have no control over. Are your ratings different? This can also be used with leaders and their teams about to embark on a change process or in the middle of one. Have each team member openly share their number (understanding that higher numbers are not better, they just are where a person is at), and then invite them to share how best they can be supported through the change.
If interested to learn more, you may access the “Art of Change Framework” here: https://pamela-thompson.com. If you would like to explore how you or your team may apply the framework to personal or professional change, I invite you to book a discovery call with me by emailing pam@creativelivingcommunity.com with Discovery Call in the Subject Line.
How do you tap into, gather and recognize the wisdom in your teams, clients, organization?
Years ago, while working for the federal government I recall being perplexed by the fact that many people were hired for their experience, credentials, and expertise, and yet when they got into position, this wisdom and experience was rarely tapped into or openly recognized and valued. How often do we want to have qualified and experienced people join our ranks and then when they get into position not really enable them to share that wisdom?
In these times of uncertainty when we have complex issues such as climate change and systemic racism to solve, we need multiple disciplines and “heads” around the table, and processes that value this wisdom-sharing and enable people to contribute in meaningful ways.
How do we create environments that enable us to gather and share our collective wisdom?
Having lived and worked on 5 continents with various levels of government, non-profits, academic institutions, and vulnerable groups such as injection drug users and sex trade workers, I know that people from all walks of life have wisdom to share. Often people closest to a problem can provide the best solutions. I recall facilitating a group in an area of multi-generational poverty as part of the participatory evaluation of a child poverty project, and one participant stopping chewing (as we served dinner as part of the group). I asked “John” what made him stop eating and he said, “This is the first time anyone has ever asked for my thoughts or opinion on anything.” Telling! How often have we missed opportunities to ask questions to people who understand the issues and have wisdom to share?
At Female Wave of Change (FWOC) Canada we believe that “authentic feminine leadership qualities (which men as well as women can have and learn) hold the key to creating a better world; a more conscious, equitable, just, sustainable and peaceful one” – https://fwoccanada.com/about/.
A recent member benefit we have added is “Collective Wisdom Circles”. They are groups of maximum 10 participants including the facilitator that currently meet once a month for 1.5 hours. The objectives of the Circles include:
An opportunity to share wisdom and learn from each other in community.
An opportunity for learning and growth.
Creating a safe space for women to come together and share insights and actions that can be used in our broader lives and communities.
The facilitator changes each time we meet and at the end of each Circle we reach consensus on who will take the lead at our next Circle. The focus theme of our current Circles is: “Dealing with Change and Uncertainty”.
If you’d like to join us and learn more, I invite you to register for our upcoming complimentary virtual monthly meeting for an interactive and engaging session with featured guest Dr. Cathy Key – https://bit.ly/3IhQdhW ; open to members and the public.
I invite to share below your comments and strategies you’ve found helpful to tap into the wisdom of your teams, clients, organizations.
When you’re spinning out of control, feeling stuck on the hamster wheel and unable to get off, you often intuitively know that you need to create some more balance in your life. You may also be unsure about how to do that.
The cultures of China and India have recognized the importance of a balanced life for more than 2,000 years. Their theories of health and illness are based on the presence (or not) of balance. Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) also believes that disease is caused by energy blockage in the body. In order to stay healthy, it is important to keep energy moving throughout our bodies; for example, by regularly practicing qigong or tai chi, or having therapeutic massages by an experienced practitioner or energy healer.
I particularly like the metaphor Austin Vickers shares in his book Stepping Up To a Life of Vision, Passion and Authentic Power (2005). He likens balance to a three-legged stool. Vickers refers to the three stool legs as “body, mind, and spirit” and notes “all three of these legs of life are necessary to make us stable and balanced.” He cautions that if you are missing one leg of your stool “all of your energy is spent trying to maintain balance and not fall over. You cannot relax. But upon a balanced stool, one can relax, read, work or use it as a tool to do other things.”
When you are living life like a spinning top or caught on the hamster wheel, you are exhibiting many of the characteristics of masculine energy. It is important to be aware of the characteristics of the two energies, as being out of balance has negative impacts on our bodies, minds, relationships, and success at home and work. For example, if we are constantly in our masculine energy, driving and striving, over time it leads to illness (e.g. burnout), unhappiness, lack of fulfillment, and restlessness. Conversely, if we are dominated by our feminine energy, constantly giving to others, we may become resentful, ill, needy, and insecure.
How can you find and create your own unique balance between your masculine and feminine energies? Here are a few suggestions.
Sit down. Close your eyes. Take several deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Get centered and grounded.
Reflect on your day. Become an outside observer. Which characteristics of the two energies did you display today, and in which situations?
Ask yourself if you are living your life more in the masculine than the feminine side or vice versa, and if this is out of balance.
Ask yourself if you are willing to experiment, to make some changes in your behaviors and notice the impact they have on your body, mind, relationships, and creativity at home and at work.
If the answer is yes, make a conscious decision to change one thing and try it out for a week. It could be the way you relate to your team. Think about this each morning before you get out of bed and make the commitment to yourself. For example, you might say, “I choose today to demonstrate empathy and be receptive to others’ ideas; to really listen instead of being in control, assertive, and competitive.”
During the day, start to notice when you become “adrenalized”; when you become extremely “geared up” and have trouble sitting still. Take several deep breaths, go inside, and ask yourself what is it that is making you feel so anxious. Listen to what comes up for you.
You may find it useful at the end of the day to reflect and journal about what came up for you and the impact(s) on your body, mind, relationships, creativity, and productivity when you initiated even a small change.
The first step in making any change is self-awareness. By becoming aware of what situations or people “adrenalize” you, you may then make a conscious choice to “dig deeper” and try on some new beliefs and behaviors.
I welcome your comments and thoughts below on strategies you have found helpful to balance your masculine and feminine energies.
