“Freedom is a gift you give yourself when you release fear and spread your wings” – https://www.suziecheel.com/
I love this quote by Suzie Cheel!
What do you need to do to move toward freedom or in other words what do you need to let go of, in order to fly free? …
It could be letting go of deep-seated beliefs such as:
- In order to be loved and valued I need to perform and achieve
- If I give to myself, I am selfish.
- If I go really big with my business and am successful, I won’t have time for myself or to spend with people I care about.
It could be behaviors that are no longer serving you such as:
- At networking events or in social situations when meeting someone new, leading with what you know and what you’ve done so that people know you’re smart and accomplished, instead of leading with genuine interest in and questions about the person you’re interacting with.
- When speaking with someone at home or work, instead of focusing on them and being present, rather thinking of the next thing on your “to-do” list.
- Reacting negatively when changes happen or are imposed on you instead of thinking “what am I meant to learn from this experience”?
I recently completed a six-week “Soul Painting” course with Kimberly Leslie – https://www.kimberlyleslie.com/– an artist, healer and intuitive. I was interested in learning how to paint with acrylics, plus I was intrigued by the opportunity to be guided and supported in a small group to “create a painting in a sacred space that invite(d) my soul to share itself with me.”
The process was fun; I got to connect with my inner child and to finger paint. I was amazed at the energy in everyone’s painting, and was intrigued by the process and what I learned about myself through it. At the final class, the completion class, Kimberly guided us to ask our paintings what else they needed. At one point I put mine up against the wall, sat in front of it and asked what more was I meant to learn from it. Tears began to stream down my face and I asked what the emotion was about. I got the strong message that I didn’t need to perform and achieve in order to be loved and valued, instead by being myself I am valued and loved. It was a powerful moment.
There are a number of transformational techniques I’ve found useful for myself and my clients, that enable us to let go of beliefs and behaviors that are no longer serving us and move closer to flying free. In addition to the course I mentioned, they include:
- Spending regular time in nature
- Doing mindfulness walking meditations
- Journalling in the morning first thing or just before going to bed
- When faced with a challenging experience or change that is imposed on you, spending time “going inside” and asking “what am I meant to learn from this experience?”
- Participating in a group program or workshop where you are supported by an experienced facilitator and coach/mentor and learn how to turn your fears and doubts around change into living with more aliveness, creativity and joy such as:
If you’d like to learn more about how to “Let Go and Fly Free”, I’d love to have you join me and a small group of like-minded women in a beautiful natural environment for a one-day workshop Embrace the Art of Change: From Fear to Freedom on April 27th in Victoria. If you live up Island, or in such places as the Lower Mainland, the Okanagan or Washington state, if this speaks to you, I encourage you to join us and and spend several days in beautiful Victoria!
I’ve come to believe that if I don’t truly love myself and treat myself with kindness, I’m unable to have a happy, fulfilling and healthy relationship with someone else.
February is celebrated as the month of love in many countries around the world. It’s often thought of in the context of romantic love. That said, this month has got me thinking about self-love and being kind to myself. I believe in the saying If you aren’t good to yourself, no one else will be.
We often give so much to others that there is little left for ourselves and we feel depleted, exhausted and at times resentful. We think that if we say “No” that others won’t like us or we’ll be letting them down. I know for sure that when you set healthy boundaries, people sense and respect them and still love you, perhaps even more.
So What does being kind to yourself look and feel like for you?
For me it looks like:
- Taking time each day to do something special for me
- Meditating each morning.
- Doing yoga 3 times a week or more
- Walking in nature once a week or more
- Booking trips and making time to visit my grandchildren every quarter
- Truly being present with family and friends when I am with them
- In yoga class, listening to my body and not pushing myself when I feel low in energy
- Taking time to breathe and “smell the roses’ instead of constantly thinking about my “to-do” list
- Listening to music I love
- Letting my inner child come out to play regularly – through dancing around my kitchen, finger painting without a picture in mind, swimming, kayaking, hiking, cycling
- When my inner critic begins to chatter in my head, saying a loud NO to it and stating “I’m not listening to you any more” and then reframing the negative chatter into a positive statement and saying it aloud
- Treating myself to a massage
- Treating myself to a pedicure
When I’m kind to myself I feel:
- Fully present
- At ease
- Free of negative chatter
- In “the flow”
- Fun to be around
I invite you to answer this question and notice what flows out of you. I challenge you to begin every morning thinking about and choosing at least one way you wish to be kind to yourself that day. During the day notice how you feel when you are doing so, and also how others respond to you. Continue doing this each day for three weeks and notice what difference it makes in your life.
What I know to be true is that when we’re kind to ourselves magical things happen!
I’d love to hear from you and what you do to be kind to yourself, as well as what you notice when you intentionally do this. Please share your comments below and feel free to forward this post to others.
With all the gloom, doom and uncertainty in the world, it’s more important than ever for us to “let go” of our worries and to connect with our inner child. What do I mean by “connecting with your inner child”?
Imagine what it was like when you had no cares or worries, when you felt loved, safe and secure and lived each day from a place of childlike wonder. I invite you to take yourself back to that time and place. What do you see and how do you feel?
I see myself playing with friends in nature; pretending we are pirates and digging for gold in the farmer’s field close to where I grew up. I see myself swinging so high and then jumping off a swing. I see myself running, jumping and feeling so free. I see myself swimming at the family cottage, back and forth between the docks. When I imagine doing each of those activities I feel light, carefree, empowered, creative, energized and curious.
So how can you connect with your inner child and with those feelings you felt as a child? One clue is when I play with my grandchildren. I now have 4, three years of age and under! On a recent visit I went for a walk with my 21- month old granddaughter. It was her first winter of experiencing snow and what it was like to walk in the cold. Initially she had a bit of trouble walking all bundled up in her cumbersome snowsuit. Before long she was almost running, so excited to be outdoors. I drew pictures in the snow and she kept saying “more, more.” I showed her how to blow snow off her mittens as it was too dry to make a snowman. I helped her make an angel in the snow. I tried to put myself in her shoes and see through her eyes of childlike wonder. It was so fun and energizing!
Another activity that connected me with my inner child was in the acrylic painting class I recently started. In the class the instructor encouraged us to try finger painting and to free paint without trying to paint anything special. It was an incredibly liberating experience! For several days after, I felt so connected to my creative side, easily designing a workshop and doing some writing. I felt like I was “in the flow”. My mind was clear and focused.
I really enjoy being in, on or by water. When I’m feeling stressed I find it therapeutic to walk to the ocean (which is close by) and lie on the rocks. When I do this I feel grounded and supported by Mother Earth. My worries fall away and I relax and feel embraced by this sacred space.
Here are a few suggestions of how you may connect with your inner child.
- Try finger painting with no agenda and notice how it makes you feel
- Is there a special nature place close to where you live? Visit it regularly. Bask in its beauty and notice how being there makes you feel
- Spend time with young children; notice and try to reconnect with your childlike wonder
- Spend some time at least once a week imagining a time or times when you felt loved and supported with no worries or cares. Feel those feelings and recall what you were doing at that time. Perhaps begin integrating those activities into your life. It could be a regular hike, walk, drawing …
- Create a sacred space in your home; a place for you that is comfortable and contains a few special reminders of your childhood; e.g. rocks, shells … . Commit to spending time in that space initially for 10 to 15 minutes three times a week and notice how you feel when there and the cumulative effect.
I believe that if we all took the time to reconnect with our inner child and let her or him “come out to play” on a regular basis, that there would be less conflict, less stress, more creativity and more collaboration in our lives, communities and workplaces.
I’d love to hear how you connect with your inner child and what you’ve noticed from that experience. Please share your experiences below so we can all learn and grow from each other.
If you’d like to learn more about how to Tap into and Express Your Creative Side I invite you to read chapter 5 in my #1 Best Selling book “Learning to Dance with LIfe” – http://pamela-thompson.com/books/
In a recent post – http://pamela-thompson.com/art-change-framework-part-2/, I shared a three-phase model and process called the Transition Journey, and step two of the Art of Change Framework: Choose Your Dance. In Step Three of the Art of Change Framework: Feel the Rhythm and Learn the Steps, you commit to embracing change in your body rather than resisting it, and begin doing the work associated with the phase of the transition journey you are currently in.
To recap, there are three phases in a transition journey: They are:
- An Ending
- The Neutral Zone
- A New Beginning.
There are emotions and work associated with each phase. If you don’t do the work, you often keep repeating the same patterns in your life and remain unhappy and unfulfilled in life and in work.
An Ending is the end of a job/ relationship/ career. The main work of this phase is to “let go” of the old job/relationship/career and to celebrate the positive aspects and lessons learned from it.
“Letting go” is easier said than done. Here are some proven strategies for “letting go”.
- Identify and surface the emotions you have around a current or previous transition; for example, anger at a boss, a previous partner, a friend.
- Release those emotions from your body. When you think about a particular emotion notice any tension in your body and where it is located. It is often felt in your gut or your heart. Think of emotions associated with past hurts and transitions as “rocks in a backpack” and visualize and experience releasing them all from that backpack.
- Forgive yourself and others. This is powerful and often keeps us stuck and holds us back from moving forward. A mindfulness tool that facilitates forgiveness (of self and others) is “Forgiveness Meditation”. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbHKCy4f6Dk for a process developed by Jack Kornfield , a psychologist trained in Eastern and Western Psychology.
- Write a letter to your previous boss, partner, friend from a balanced and empathic perspective. There are always two sides to any story. Reflect on the lessons learned from the experience.
- If you still have anger and strong emotions associated with a past relationship, it is therapeutic to write a letter to that person sharing how they wounded you and what the experience was like from your perspective and then to either burn it ceremoniously or tear it up into small pieces and at the same time commit to releasing the negative emotions associated with the relationship.
In Phase 2, the Neutral Zone, you may feel stuck, angry, confused and uncertain of what to do next. This is the phase when we often second guess ourselves and question our actions. We may even return to the old job or relationship. The main work of this phase is “getting clear”. It provides an opportunity to envision the job or relationship of your dreams. Here are several ways to envision the relationship, career, or life of your dreams.
- Go to a quiet place, outside in nature if possible. Write down what you envision in the relationship of your dreams; e.g. someone who makes me laugh, loves being nature, is physically active, is a great communicator, … . It’s helpful to use the stem I see … and let the list flow out of you without overthinking it. Then imagine you have achieved your dream and imagine how you will feel when you have that special relationship and truly feel it in your body. It’s helpful to use the stem I feel … and write down those feelings; e.g. I feel happy, content, loved, valued … .
- Create a vision board from old magazines or digitally, e.g. using pinterest, of that relationship, career, life of your dreams. It is then important to look at your vision board ideally twice a day, in the morning on awakening and in the evening before retiring, and say to yourself I am so happy and grateful that I’m living a life that includes … . While you’re doing this, feel the positive emotions in your body you will experience when you have achieved that dream relationship/career/life.
I can attest to the power of this process as 1.5 years after I left my husband of 24 years I wrote out all of the attributes I wanted in a significant other and in a relationship. Within 5 months of doing this I met my current partner and “soul mate”.
In Phase 3, the New Beginning, you take action on the vision you created during the “Neutral Zone”. This phase can be likened to a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon and can be a time of real transformation (if you’ve taken the time to learn and grow in the “Neutral Zone”). Think about how you felt when you launched your new business, were selected for that dream job, met the man of your dreams. These are the feelings associated with the New Beginning which fill us up and make us feel happy, healthy, confident and fulfilled.
If you don’t take the time to reflect, learn and grown in each phase, you may find that you keep recreating the same patterns in your life. If you want a life of joy, balance and fulfillment, it is helpful to understand the transition journey process and also to do the work to learn and grow in each phase.
Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share the fourth step in the Art of Change Framework designed to help you embrace change and create the life of your dreams – one of clarity, confidence, health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace.
Are you on a transition journey? Did you glean any new insights from this article? I welcome your questions and comments below. What strategies have you found helpful in embracing change?
 From Mary Morrissey and her Dream Builder Program – https://www.dreambuilderlive.com/
In these challenging and uncertain times you may be feeling fearful, sad, angry and uncertain about your future, the future of your family and of the planet. You may be feeling there is little or nothing you can do to make the world a better place. I believe there is much each of us can do to be a force for good in the world, and it’s easier than you think. Learning about change, how you respond to it and how to navigate it, are important skills and tools to have in these challenging and tumultuous times.
Based on more than 25 years of consulting and coaching with people and organizations on 5 continents including living and working in conflict zones and managing uncertainty, I’ve developed the Art of Change framework. This framework is a proven model for embracing change whether it involves getting unstuck and moving forward when change is imposed on us, or whether we choose to initiate a change in our beliefs, attitudes and/or behaviors.
The Art of Change is based on the belief that embracing change is a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities. Think of the times in your life when change was thrust upon you; e.g. you were laid off; or when a boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with you. At that time, you may have felt caught off guard, angry, fearful and uncertain about the future. On reflection, these changes opened you up to a new and better relationship or a position more aligned with your values and talents.
Embracing change enables you to let go of patterns that are no longer serving you and to move forward with confidence, clarity, improved health, happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace.
The Art of Change framework is a 5-step process for embracing change that uses the metaphor of life as a dance. The steps are:
- Shine the Light –Explore how you respond to change and why
- Choose Your Dance –Identify the transition you want to work on and where you are on your transition journey
- Feel the Rhythm and Learn the Steps –Commit to embracing change in your body rather than resisting it, and begin doing the work associated with the phase of the transition journey you are in
- Practice, Practice, Practice! –Do the work that includes letting go, identifying lessons learned, envisioning the work or relationship of your dreams, taking action, and viewing change as a creative process that opens you up to new possibilities
- Consciously Share Your Dance with the World –Observe the positive changes in yourself, how others respond to you, and the positive impact you have on your family, friends, communities and workplaces.
Stay tuned for my next post where I will share more about the Art of Change framework and how you can embrace any change with less stress and greater understanding, and at the same time be a positive force for good in the world.
I welcome your thoughts and comments below and appreciate you sharing the article with others.
What happens when we don’t embrace change?
We keep repeating the same patterns in our lives and remain unsatisfied and unhappy. For example, the person who regularly changes jobs to get ahead and make more money without really understanding what they’re passionate about and not choosing positions aligned with their passions; OR the man or woman who marries 3 or 4 times, attracting similar partners, working through the same issues again and again, and remaining unhappy because they haven’t taken the time between relationships to find who they are and what they truly want.
We expend a lot of energy resisting change. I recall a time a number of years ago when I was working with an international consulting group managing a large project in a developing country. There were ongoing challenges with the funding for the project and I was asked to make budget cuts that I felt were beginning to affect the technical aspects. In addition, although I’ve lived and worked in a number of unstable countries, every time I was in that country it felt like a “powder keg waiting to blow up”. I voiced my concerns to the company President. After a few months of restless nights with my head saying I should stay with the project and my body saying I should resign, I finally resigned. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. Initially I thought “what have I done!”, but soon after when I declared I was returning to domestic consulting , I met a woman who was going into retirement who introduced me to one of her clients at lunch. The next morning I received an email from the head of that organization saying she had 4 projects she thought I would be a good fit for, and which ones would I like to work on!
We feel constantly under stress as our bodies stay in flight, flight or freeze mode trying to keep us safe. We may feel afraid, angry, confused and uncertain in life and at work. Professionally this may look like the inability to focus, make decisions and result in reduced productivity and lack of fulfillment in work and life. Over time this constant stress often negatively impacts our health.
The bottom line is if we don’t learn how to embrace change, over time it negatively impacts both our personal and professional lives.
So how and where do we begin?
Understand how you respond to change. A quick exercise is to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 related to how you typically respond to change; 1 being it scares me to death and 10 being I thrive on it. Another activity is to spend some quiet time answering the question: Why do I fear this change so much and notice what comes up. Journalling your answers is also helpful in understanding and dealing with your emotions.
Realize that you’re not alone. All of us are hard-wired to fear change and to want to stay safe. Knowing that can be of some comfort.
Reach out for support. Share with someone or several people you trust how you’re feeling and why. A strong body of research shows that social support, which includes emotional connection with “… a trusted group or valued individual, has been shown to reduce the psychological and physiological consequences of stress, and may enhance immune function. Social networks, whether formal (such as a church or social club) or informal (meeting with friends) provide a sense of belonging, security, and community.”
Spend regular time in nature. The Japanese have done longitudinal studies which show that spending time in forests reduces our blood pressure, reduces our heart rate and increases the number of natural killer cells our body produces (i.e. strengthens our immune system).
Practice mindfulness walking meditations at least 3 times a week for 15 to 30 minutes. A tool from Easter psychology that I have found extremely useful for getting “out of my head” and into my body is Mindfulness Walking Meditation. Mindfulness practices help us stay present and focus on feeling sensations and emotions in our bodies. When we’re faced with change, it’s important to acknowledge and let the feelings flow through us, rather than resisting them.
When practicing mindfulness walking meditation we feel the ground beneath our feet, the breeze against our face, the cool air going from our nostrils down into our lungs. We smell the salty sea air or the aroma of lavender and observe the scenery in front of us. We try to stay out of our minds and experience all our senses. Rather than spending a walk in nature constantly thinking and processing all the things we have to do, or mulling over things that have recently happened, instead we stay present and experience nature and all of its beautiful sights, smells, sounds and sensations.
Commit to learning more about how to embrace change. A good place to start is to take the complimentary Transition Journey Quiz – http://pamela-thompson.com/about/ – to learn more about life transitions, where you are on your transition journey and receive additional tips on how to successfully navigate change.
I’d love to hear you from you, your responses to this post, and your experience with the Transition Journey Quiz. Feel free to comment below and to share this post with others.