December is a great month to reflect on your achievements from the current year and to set intentions for the coming year. According to William Bridges (based on 30 years of research), in order to move successfully from one life transition to another, it is important to let go of any negative emotions associated with it, to celebrate the positive aspects and lessons learned from it… and to get clear on your vision for a new relationship, career, business … . The end of a year may be considered the ending of a transition and the start of a new year, a new beginning.
A process that I’ve found to be extremely useful for myself, and my clients is to answer the following questions and journal about them at the end of a year and before starting a new one.
What are the achievements I am most proud of in 2017?
What am I most grateful for this year?
What lessons have I learned regarding relationships, work experience, my own blind spots … over the past year?
What are my intentions for 2018 (in five areas)?
- Personal life – i.e. What my personal life looks and feels like. Note that it is important to write your intentions in the present tense as if you have already accomplished them. For example; “I am strongly connected to myself, my gifts, my fears, my strengths. I courageously uncover any and all fears, doubts and limiting beliefs that are holding me back from standing in my true power and fulfilling my larger vision and mission … .”
- Related to my Health – i.e. What my health looks and feels like. “I feel great! My body is toned, strong and flexible. I radiate health and vitality – physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. I do yoga 3 to 4 times/week, meditate daily and spend regular time in nature hiking, kayaking, swimming, cycling …
- Financial – i,e. What my financial life looks and feels like. “ I average $_______ thousand a month in terms of income generation through Creative Life Coaching. I feel financially free and serene. I pay off my credit cards every month and my line of credit is paid off. …
- Spiritual – i.e. What my spiritual life looks and feels like. “I continue to meditate daily and deepen my ability to go within and connect with the Universal wisdom. I continue to strengthen and listen to my body’s wisdom. … “
- Intellectual – i.e. What my intellectual life looks and feels like. “I am flexible, flowing and open to new ideas. I connect with my creativity easily and effortlessly. … I blog regularly and articles come to me easily. I design and facilitate workshops and retreats that many women connect with and learn from.”
I encourage you to experiment with the process above. Feel free to change the titles of the 5 areas suggested to ones that resonate for you. Reviewing your intentions quarterly and noting how you’re doing in relation to them, helps keep them top of mind and provides encouragement to move forward. Using your intentions as a “touch stone” at the end of each year to review your achievements is helpful.
Celebrating your accomplishments feels so good and is important to provide you with the energy and commitment to move forward and fulfill your intentions.
Best of luck reflecting on 2017 and setting bold intentions for 2018. To your health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace!
I invite you to try out the process and welcome your comments below. Feel free to share this post.
 Bridges, William. Transitions – Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Cambridge: De Capo Press, 2004.
In order to let go of beliefs and behaviors that are no longer serving us and to embrace change, whether it be a change we initiate or one that is imposed on us, the Art of Change Framework is a proven model to help you understand change and how you respond to it, and to support you to move forward in your life. It is also helpful for leaders and changemakers so they can be more effective with the individuals, organizations and communities they serve.
In a previous post I outlined this 5-step process for embracing change while at the same time making a positive impact in the world – http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/. In this post we will explore Step 4 in the Art of Change Framework entitled Practice, Practice, Practice! As with learning a dance or integrating any new behavior into your life, it is crucial to practice, practice, practice, so that over time that belief or behavior becomes a habit and more unconscious than conscious.
So what are the key elements of Step 4 in the Art of Change Framework? Step 4 encompasses doing the work that includes: letting go, identifying lessons learned, envisioning the work, relationship, home of your dreams, taking action toward the dream and believing that change is a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities. If we hold that belief it is much easier to embrace change, than if we fear change and resist it.
To illustrate Step 4 in the Art of Change Framework, I’ll walk you through an example from my own life. When my husband was headhunted about 1.5 years ago it came “out of the blue”. We were living in our dream home, with a lake view and able to walk to three wineries from our home. We thought that we would be there forever. The Universe had other plans. My husband was given an offer he couldn’t refuse and asked to begin work 2 weeks after the offer was presented. I felt like the “rug had been pulled out from underneath me”. He moved to the new city, rented a small apartment and began working. I visited him several times, he came home and then I decided to try living in the new place for part of the summer. I rented our home and “dipped my toe in” for 6 weeks. During that time I realized that the new city was beautiful and Alan was enjoying his work, so we made the decision to put our house on the market. It sold quite quickly and before I knew it we had downsized from a 5-bedroom home to a 2-bedroom apartment (The Ending Phase). The first 6 months were challenging (The Neutral Zone). I so missed my friends and the life I had in the Okanagan Valley. For awhile we were surrounded by boxes, trying to decide what would fit into our new place and what to give away or put back in our storage unit. I was upset with the lack of cleanliness of parts of the apartment building we were renting. I looked at other apartments and finally realized that the location and benefits of the place we were in outweighed the cost of moving to yet another apartment. Little by little I started to meet new people, joined several Newcomers Clubs, found a great yoga studio and we began exploring the Island on weekends. A few months ago we decided we wanted to purchase a new home. Alan and I sat down and envisioned the key elements of the new home of our dreams (The New Beginning) and hired a realtor to work with us. I’m happy to report that 2 weeks ago we moved into our new home. It feels so good to be in our own place again! We made the decision not to purchase a home with a yard and instead went for a townhome that is 10 minutes walk from the ocean and 10 minutes from downtown. We love it!
Reflecting on this experience I understood why for me, someone who typically thrives on change, found this move so challenging. I realized that I had lived in the Okanagan Valley in the same home for 8 years, and that was the longest place I had lived since I left home at age 18!
I invite you to reflect on a change that you’ve made in your life, one that was imposed on you and you found challenging. Use the Art of Change Framework to identify the work you have done and to see whether there is more work yet to be done. For example, to let go of anger related to an old boss or partner. In order to move forward in our lives, it is important to learn about change and how and why we respond to it, and to do the work to help us to move toward clarity, confidence, radiant health and true fulfillment.
I welcome your comments and experiences below. Was the Art of Change Framework helpful? Did you glean any new insights? Feel free to share this article with others.
In a previous post I outlined a proven process for embracing change while at the same time making a positive impact in the world – http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/. In this article we will take a deep dive into the second step in this 5-step process: Choose Your Dance.
Many of us often feel like we are corks bobbing on the sea of life, particularly when challenges keep coming up in our personal and/or professional lives, and it seems like we keep repeating the same patterns again, and again and again and getting the same results. Believe it or not, we all have choice. When you realize this and become aware of patterns that are no longer serving you, you can examine those parts of yourself and make changes, whether it be in the type of partner you choose, or in the career or business direction you pursue.
In step two of the Art of Change Framework, you identify the transition or change you want to work on and where you are on your transition journey.
What do I mean by a transition journey?
Based on over 30 years of working with people and organizations, William Bridges identified a 3 – phase process that helps you understand, get unstuck and move forward regardless of the transition you are going through whether it be in your career, relationship, health … . The 3 phases are:
- An Ending
- The Neutral Zone
- A New Beginning
In each phase there are opportunities to learn and grow. There are emotions associated with each phase that need to be acknowledged and released, and there is key work that needs to be done to get unstuck so that you can move forward.
An Ending is the end of a job/relationship/ career. The main work of this phase is to “let go” of the old job/relationship/career and to celebrate the positive aspects and lessons learned from it. Think about a transition you are current experiencing or one in the past that you still hold strong emotions around. What words and feelings come up for you? It could be anger, guilt, relief …
“Letting go” is easier said than done. In an upcoming post I will share some proven strategies for “letting go”.
In Phase 2, the Neutral Zone, you may feel stuck, angry, confused and uncertain of what to do next. This is the phase when we often second guess ourselves and question our actions. You may tell yourself things like “maybe that relationship wasn’t so bad”, “maybe I shouldn’t have left my job and started a business” … . You may even return to the old job or relationship. The main work of this phase is “getting clear”. It is important during this phase to reconnect with yourself and clarify who you are and what is really important to you. It provides an opportunity to envision the job, career or relationship of your dreams. In an upcoming post I will share some strategies on how to envision the relationship, career, life of your dreams.
In Phase 3, the New Beginning, you take action on the vision you created during the “Neutral Zone”. This can be a time of real transformation if you’ve taken the time to learn and grow in the “Neutral Zone”. Think about how you felt when you launched your new business, were selected for that dream job, met the man or woman of your dreams. These are the feelings associated with the New Beginning such as excitement, happiness, confidence, clarity and fulfillment.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect and ask yourself Am I on a transition journey? If so, what phase of the journey are you on? When you do this you may notice that you are in more than one transition. For example, if you recently separated, changed your job, moved to a new city and downsized, these are four transitions you are currently experiencing. It is important to choose one to focus on at a time and go through the transition journey process noticing the insights and feelings that come up for you. You may also be holding onto emotions associated with a past transition; for example anger at an old partner. If you haven’t processed a previous transition, you may be carrying negative emotions and perceptions around it that are important to release. Otherwise you you may bring those emotions and perceptions into future relationships.
Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share the third step in the Art of Change Framework designed to help you embrace change and create the life of your dreams – one of clarity, confidence, radiant health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace.
I’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below. Did you find the transition journey process helpful? Did you glean any new insights from the process? I invite you to take my complimentary Transition Journey Quiz and receive tips on how to successfully navigate any life transition – http://pamela-thompson.com/about/
 Bridges, William, TRANSITIONS Making Sense of Life’s Changes, 2004.
We are hard-wired to perceive change as a threat. Our primitive brain likes to keep us safe and has enabled humans to survive through time. When our amygdala (part of the brain) detects fear, it sends messages to our bodies to go into fight, flight or freeze mode. This explains why some of us become angry as a result of a change being imposed on us, fearful and wanting to run away from a situation rather than face it, or paralyzed and unable to think clearly or to move forward.
So, how can we reduce our fear of change given this biological reality? Norman Doidge in The Brain that Changes Itself provides powerful evidence that our thoughts and perceptions have the power to change the structure of our brains. In other words, if we create new beliefs around change and internalize them, we also create new neural pathways that enable us to respond positively to change rather than view it as a threat. Candace Pert in her landmark book Molecules of Emotion provides strong evidence that our thoughts and emotions affect our bodies.
Given these facts, how can we reduce our fear of change? Here are some proven strategies. We can:
- Understand how we respond to change and why – A simple exercise is to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 related to how you respond to change: “1” being it scares me to death and “10” being I thrive on it. Another way is to spend some time reflecting on the barriers you have towards change and writing them down. A number of barriers to change have been identified in the literature including: becoming paralyzed by fear, procrastinating, blaming others, believing we can’t do something or are not worthy, always focusing on problems rather than solutions, getting stuck in old habits or denying change is happening, and not being willing to put in the effort required to make a change. Ask yourself, What barriers do I have to embracing change in general, and in this particular situation? E.g. changing jobs, leaving an unsatisfying relationship, accepting a new leader in my organization. Notice past patterns in your life.
- Become aware of our beliefs around change – Close your eyes and think about a recent change; one that you didn’t choose but was imposed on you. Examples include: lay-off, separation, relocation. Notice what words come up for you. Write them down. Begin with the stem “Change is”_______ and fill in the blank. Do a brain dump and write down all the words that come up to define what change means to you. Examples are “Change is scary”; “Change is to be avoided at all costs” …
- Try on some new beliefs about change; such as “Change opens me up to new possibilities”, “Embracing change is a creative process”, “Change provides me with an opportunity to learn and grow”. Post one of these positive beliefs where you will see it at least 3 times a day – on your computer, bathroom mirror…and say this belief aloud each time you see it. Do this for 21 to 30 days and observe what you notice.
- Become aware of how we perceive change and replace our negative feelings and emotions with positive and empowering ones. Ariane de Bonvoisin in “The First 30 Days – Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier” identifies six “change demons” and their antidotes. The six change demons are: fear, doubt, blame, guilt, shame and impatience. She explains that the change demons “help us navigate through change by alerting us if we are off course and encouraging us to choose a different emotion to help us get where we want to go.” Being aware of which emotion you are feeling and replacing each one with positive and empowering emotions and antidotes are key to learning from and navigating change and dealing with uncertainty. The six change demons and their antidotes are:
||surrender (to not knowing)
||honesty (taking responsibility for our role in situations)
||honor (your dark or shadow side)
- Introduce small changes into your daily routine. Take a different route to work. Eat something different for breakfast. Walk or cycle to work instead of driving. Do this for a month and observe what you notice. Change is like a muscle. The more change you choose in your life, the more flexible you tend to become.
What change demons are your facing? How do you typically respond to change? What strategies will you begin integrating into your life to reduce your fear of change?
I welcome your comments below. Feel free to share this post with others.
What happens when we don’t embrace change?
We keep repeating the same patterns in our lives and remain unsatisfied and unhappy. For example, the person who regularly changes jobs to get ahead and make more money without really understanding what they’re passionate about and not choosing positions aligned with their passions; OR the man or woman who marries 3 or 4 times, attracting similar partners, working through the same issues again and again, and remaining unhappy because they haven’t taken the time between relationships to find who they are and what they truly want.
We expend a lot of energy resisting change. I recall a time a number of years ago when I was working with an international consulting group managing a large project in a developing country. There were ongoing challenges with the funding for the project and I was asked to make budget cuts that I felt were beginning to affect the technical aspects. In addition, although I’ve lived and worked in a number of unstable countries, every time I was in that country it felt like a “powder keg waiting to blow up”. I voiced my concerns to the company President. After a few months of restless nights with my head saying I should stay with the project and my body saying I should resign, I finally resigned. It felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders. Initially I thought “what have I done!”, but soon after when I declared I was returning to domestic consulting , I met a woman who was going into retirement who introduced me to one of her clients at lunch. The next morning I received an email from the head of that organization saying she had 4 projects she thought I would be a good fit for, and which ones would I like to work on!
We feel constantly under stress as our bodies stay in flight, flight or freeze mode trying to keep us safe. We may feel afraid, angry, confused and uncertain in life and at work. Professionally this may look like the inability to focus, make decisions and result in reduced productivity and lack of fulfillment in work and life. Over time this constant stress often negatively impacts our health.
The bottom line is if we don’t learn how to embrace change, over time it negatively impacts both our personal and professional lives.
So how and where do we begin?
Understand how you respond to change. A quick exercise is to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 related to how you typically respond to change; 1 being it scares me to death and 10 being I thrive on it. Another activity is to spend some quiet time answering the question: Why do I fear this change so much and notice what comes up. Journalling your answers is also helpful in understanding and dealing with your emotions.
Realize that you’re not alone. All of us are hard-wired to fear change and to want to stay safe. Knowing that can be of some comfort.
Reach out for support. Share with someone or several people you trust how you’re feeling and why. A strong body of research shows that social support, which includes emotional connection with “… a trusted group or valued individual, has been shown to reduce the psychological and physiological consequences of stress, and may enhance immune function. Social networks, whether formal (such as a church or social club) or informal (meeting with friends) provide a sense of belonging, security, and community.”
Spend regular time in nature. The Japanese have done longitudinal studies which show that spending time in forests reduces our blood pressure, reduces our heart rate and increases the number of natural killer cells our body produces (i.e. strengthens our immune system).
Practice mindfulness walking meditations at least 3 times a week for 15 to 30 minutes. A tool from Easter psychology that I have found extremely useful for getting “out of my head” and into my body is Mindfulness Walking Meditation. Mindfulness practices help us stay present and focus on feeling sensations and emotions in our bodies. When we’re faced with change, it’s important to acknowledge and let the feelings flow through us, rather than resisting them.
When practicing mindfulness walking meditation we feel the ground beneath our feet, the breeze against our face, the cool air going from our nostrils down into our lungs. We smell the salty sea air or the aroma of lavender and observe the scenery in front of us. We try to stay out of our minds and experience all our senses. Rather than spending a walk in nature constantly thinking and processing all the things we have to do, or mulling over things that have recently happened, instead we stay present and experience nature and all of its beautiful sights, smells, sounds and sensations.
Commit to learning more about how to embrace change. A good place to start is to take the complimentary Transition Journey Quiz – http://pamela-thompson.com/about/ – to learn more about life transitions, where you are on your transition journey and receive additional tips on how to successfully navigate change.
I’d love to hear you from you, your responses to this post, and your experience with the Transition Journey Quiz. Feel free to comment below and to share this post with others.
I recently visited the Okanagan for a conference and to reconnect with old friends. It felt so good to spend time in the presence of folks I had gotten to know over the 8 years I had lived near Kelowna. You know how you feel when you haven’t seen or spoken to someone in a while and it seems like only yesterday since you’ve chatted? You pick up easily and effortlessly and feel relaxed, accepted and valued in their presence. Having moved from a place I had lived longer than anywhere since I left home at 18, I realize that I had started to put down roots. Do you relate? Moving to a new city within the past year, I so miss the deep connections I have with old friends.
So what is connection and why is it so important?
Brene Brown defines connection as “… the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
A growing body of research shows that our learning, health and wellbeing are profoundly shaped by our social environments and connections with others.
Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect makes a strong case that the human need to connect with others is as basic as our need for food, shelter and water. Lieberman draws on findings from his own research and others to demonstrate that “being socially connected is our brain’s life long passion; … (and) “he argues that the need to reach out and connect with others is a primary driver behind our behavior.” We are wired to try to understand others and connect with them.
A strong body of research shows that social support, which includes emotional connection with “… a trusted group or valued individual, has been shown to reduce the psychological and physiological consequences of stress, and may enhance immune function. Social networks, whether formal (such as a church or social club) or informal (meeting with friends) provide a sense of belonging, security, and community.”
Rita Pierson, an educator for 40 years, makes the case in a humorous and brilliant TED Talk, that a positive relationship and connection between teacher and student is important for learning to occur. It’s not just about “pouring information into children’s heads”.
Knowing these facts about the value and importance of human connection has amazing implications on the way we facilitate learning in schools, collaboration and productivity in workplaces, and a sense of harmony, security and belonging in communities.
Reflecting on your life so far, can you identify educators, peers, bosses and friends who have strongly influenced your life in positive ways? What characteristics did they possess, and what positive impacts did they have on you, your health and wellbeing, learning, and/or sense of security and belonging?
I welcome your shares and comments below. Feel free to share this post with others.