Let Go … Fly Free!

Let Go … Fly Free!

“Freedom is a gift you give yourself when you release fear and spread your wings” – https://www.suziecheel.com/

I love this quote by Suzie Cheel!

What do you need to do to move toward freedom or in other words what do you need to let go of, in order to fly free?

It could be letting go of deep-seated beliefs such as:

  • In order to be loved and valued I need to perform and achieve
  • If I give to myself, I am selfish.
  • If I go really big with my business and am successful, I won’t have time for myself or to spend with people I care about. 

It could be behaviors that are no longer serving you such as:

  • At networking events or in social situations when meeting someone new, leading with what you know and what you’ve done so that people know you’re smart and accomplished, instead of leading with genuine interest in and questions about the person you’re interacting with.
  • When speaking with someone at home or work, instead of focusing on them and being present, rather thinking of the next thing on your “to-do” list.
  • Reacting negatively when changes happen or are imposed on you instead of thinking “what am I meant to learn from this experience”? 

I recently completed a six-week “Soul Painting” course with Kimberly Leslie – https://www.kimberlyleslie.com/– an artist, healer and intuitive. I was interested in learning how to paint with acrylics, plus I was intrigued by the opportunity to be guided and supported in a small group to “create a painting in a sacred space that invite(d) my soul to share itself with me.”

The process was fun; I got to connect with my inner child and to finger paint. I was amazed at the energy in everyone’s painting, and was intrigued by the process and what I learned about myself through it. At the final class, the completion class, Kimberly guided us to ask our paintings what else they needed. At one point I put mine up against the wall, sat in front of it and asked what more was I meant to learn from it. Tears began to stream down my face and I asked what the emotion was about. I got the strong message that I didn’t need to perform and achieve in order to be loved and valued, instead by being myself I am valued and loved. It was a powerful moment.

There are a number of transformational techniques I’ve found useful for myself and my clients, that enable us to let go of beliefs and behaviors that are no longer serving us and move closer to flying free. In addition to the course I mentioned, they include:

  • Spending regular time in nature
  • Doing mindfulness walking meditations
  • Journalling in the morning first thing or just before going to bed
  • When faced with a challenging experience or change that is imposed on you, spending time “going inside” and asking “what am I meant to learn from this experience?”
  • Participating in a group program or workshop where you are supported by an experienced facilitator and coach/mentor and learn how to turn your fears and doubts around change into living with more aliveness, creativity and joy such as:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/embrace-the-art-of-change-from-fear-to-freedom-tickets-44230204733

If you’d like to learn more about how to “Let Go and Fly Free”, I’d love to have you join me and a small group of like-minded women in a beautiful natural environment for a one-day workshop Embrace the Art of Change: From Fear to Freedom on April 27th in Victoria. If you live up Island, or in such places as the Lower Mainland, the Okanagan or Washington state, if this speaks to you, I encourage you to join us and and spend several days in beautiful Victoria!

 

 

Why Understanding & Embracing Change is Important for Business Success

Why Understanding & Embracing Change is Important for Business Success

What does change have to do with being an entrepreneur?

  • Entrepreneurship is all about change. When you start your own business it’s often scary as you’re leaving a “secure” position to go out on your own to new and uncharted territory. Having a business is all about experimenting. You try one niche and if you don’t get a great response you switch to another. You write copy for a program, product or service, test it, see who it attracts and then write some more and test that. In business we learn from our successes as well as our failures (usually more from our failures). Being successful in business requires being open to learning and growing.

 

  • As we move through the various phases of growing our business, limiting beliefs and unresolved issues typically come up for us. Our inner critic sends us messages such as: Who do you think you are to want a 6-figure income? (related to self-worth); How can you choose such a narrow niche, you’ll have no clients? (related to fear of not making enough money). In order to grow your business you need to address those limiting beliefs and unresolved issues which involves change and transformation.

 

  • Life Transitions and Changes in Business are intertwined. If we are stressed by changes in our business (e.g. breakdown of a business partnership), we often bring them into our personal lives and take our anger and frustration home with us. Similarly, if we are going through  relationship transitions (e.g. separation or divorce), we often bring the emotions associated with those into our work. They may cause us to lose our focus, our patience and result in less engagement, lower productivity and more conflict at work.

 

  • Our beliefs about change influence our behaviors related to it. For example, if you perceive change as scary and to be feared, then you will resist it and experience a lot of stress related to it. Whereas, if you view change as a creative process that opens you up to new possibilities, the change experience becomes exciting, easier and faster.

 

  • There is some solace in knowing that we are all hard-wired to fear change. Our amygdala (part of the brain) is constantly scanning the environment to protect us and keep us safe. When it perceives a threat or something out of the ordinary, it sends messages to our bodies to go into fight, flight or freeze.

What happens when we don’t embrace change? 

Research and life experiences show that if we don’t learn to embrace change we:

  • keep repeating the same patterns in our lives and remaining unhappy and unfulfilled
  • expend a lot of energy resisting change
  • feel constantly under stress leading to chronic health issues and negative impacts on our relationships and our businesses.

The bottom line is if we don’t learn to embrace change, over time it negatively impacts both our personal and our professional lives.

So how can we reduce our fear of change?

We can reduce our fear of change when we:

  • better understand how and why we respond to change
  • learn a proven model and tools to help us reduce resistance and embrace and successfully navigate any change.

The more you understand change and the more self-aware you are about how and why you respond to it, the more easily you can embrace and move through it.

Why I’m so passionate about sharing this message

Having been an entrepreneur since the early 1990s, and running three successful businesses, I’ve experienced many changes in my business and personal life and learned some of my lessons the hard way, I know that having tools and processes to understand and embrace change is critical to creating the business and life of your dreams. I’m now called to support leaders and entrepreneurs to better understand and to embrace change. Based on more than 25 years of leading, consulting and coaching with individuals and organizations from diverse cultures on 5 continents, I’ve created the Art of Change Framework. It’s a proven 5-step process that guides and supports individuals and teams to move from fear and uncertainty to clarity and confidence. It makes the change experience fun as it likens the process to learning a dance.

We all need to process change and we do it in different ways and at different rates. When you have an increased understanding of change and how you respond to it, and proven processes and tools to help you to successfully navigate the change experience, it positively impacts your business and your bottom line.

If you’d like to learn more about the Art of Change Framework, here are some relevant articles: http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/ ; http://pamela-thompson.com/important-embrace-change-begin/

If you’re going through a life transition and would like to learn more about it and how to more easily navigate it, I encourage you to sign up for my complimentary Transition Journey Quiz and Tips – http://pamela-thompson.com/about/

I always like to hear from you and how the articles “land” and welcome your comments below. How has change affected you and your business? What tools and strategies have you found helpful to navigate change? Please share the post with others who you think might benefit.

 

The Art of Change Framework: Part 5

The Art of Change Framework: Part 5

The Art of Change Framework is a proven 5-step model for embracing change be it in yourself, your relationships, your workplace/organization. In a previous post I outlined the 5 steps in this model – http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/. In subsequent posts I identified the powerful practices associated with each step in the process. This article will focus on step 5 in the Art of Change Framework entitled Consciously Share Your Dance with the World.

We know that when we change, others around us notice these changes and either choose to follow us or resist the changes we are modelling. An example is personal growth work. If one partner in a relationship wants to learn and grow and begins reading about personal growth and attending workshops or receiving coaching to learn and grow, and their partner is not on the same wavelength, the partner who wants to maintain the status quo may feel threatened by the changes in the other’s behaviour. For example, having a spiritual connection when your partner is an atheist or becoming more assertive in conversations instead of not saying much or always acquiescing to the other partner’s wishes. Does this sound familiar? When we change, we influence those around us.

During step 5 in the Art of Change Framework, it is important to observe the positive changes in yourself, how others respond to you, and the positive impact you are having on your family, friends, communities and workplaces.

As a leader in an organization, you will notice the difference among people who either resist or embrace changes that you initiate. The tables below identify the typical differences between those who resist and those who embrace change.

What happens in Ourselves, Our Relationships and Our Workplaces when We Resist Change versus Embrace it?

OURSELVES

Resist

Embrace

We view change as a threat

We view change as an opportunity to learn and grow and as a creative process that opens us up to new opportunities

We feel:

o   Angry

o   Depleted

o   Low in energy

o   Victimized

·      The increased stress over time negatively impacts our health; can lead to chronic illness and negatively affect our career paths

 

 

We feel:

o   Open

o   Excited

o   Energized

o   Nonjudgmental

·      Over time we are more relaxed, more flexible and open to creative ideas

·      Our health may be positively impacted as we feel supported by those around us and that we are contributing to something greater than ourselves; may positively impact our career paths

In our interactions with others we:

o   Are not totally present

o   Are judgmental

o   May be argumentative

In our interactions with others we:

o   Are present

o   Are mindful

o   Seek to understand and support others

 

OUR RELATIONSHIPS

Resist

Embrace

o   Strained

o   Reactive

o   Judgmental

o   Characterized by increased conflict

o   We feel alone, victimized and that others don’t understand us

 o   Open

o   Responsive

o   Curious

o   Characterized by increased understanding, creativity and compassion

o   We feel part of something and supported

 

OUR WORKPLACES

RESIST

o   Increased conflict – “us” versus “them” mentality

o   Reduced morale

o   Reduced engagement

o   Little innovation

o   Increased illness and absenteeism

o   Negative impact on the bottom line

EMBRACE

o   Increased cooperation, collaboration and synergy

o   Increased morale

o   Increased engagement

o   Creativity and Innovation

o   Reduced absenteeism

o   Positive impact on the bottom line

 Learning how to embrace change and understanding how we respond to it, is critical to positively influencing our families, friends, communities and workplaces. Learning and implementing the 5-step Art of Change Framework helps you understand how you respond to change and is a tool to support you and your team(s) to embrace it. In these challenging and uncertain times, now more than ever, we need proven processes to support individuals and leaders in communities and organizations to make a positive difference in the world.

What have you noticed in yourself, your relationships and/or your work environments when they are characterized by embracing versus resisting change? What aspects of the Art of Change Framework have you found most useful? Any new insights? I invite and welcome your comments below.

 

 

The Art of Change Framework: Part 3

The Art of Change Framework: Part 3

In a recent post – http://pamela-thompson.com/art-change-framework-part-2/, I shared a three-phase model and process called the Transition Journey, and step two of the Art of Change Framework: Choose Your Dance. In Step Three of the Art of Change Framework: Feel the Rhythm and Learn the Steps, you commit to embracing change in your body rather than resisting it, and begin doing the work associated with the phase of the transition journey you are currently in.

To recap, there are three phases in a transition journey: They are:

  1. An Ending
  2. The Neutral Zone
  3. A New Beginning.

There are emotions and work associated with each phase. If you don’t do the work, you often keep repeating the same patterns in your life and remain unhappy and unfulfilled in life and in work.

An Ending is the end of a job/ relationship/ career. The main work of this phase is to “let go” of the old job/relationship/career and to celebrate the positive aspects and lessons learned from it.

“Letting go” is easier said than done. Here are some proven strategies for “letting go”.

  • Identify and surface the emotions you have around a current or previous transition; for example, anger at a boss, a previous partner, a friend.
  • Release those emotions from your body. When you think about a particular emotion notice any tension in your body and where it is located. It is often felt in your gut or your heart. Think of emotions associated with past hurts and transitions as “rocks in a backpack” and visualize and experience releasing them all from that backpack.
  • Forgive yourself and others. This is powerful and often keeps us stuck and holds us back from moving forward. A mindfulness tool that facilitates forgiveness (of self and others) is “Forgiveness Meditation”. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbHKCy4f6Dk for a process developed by Jack Kornfield , a psychologist trained in Eastern and Western Psychology.
  • Write a letter to your previous boss, partner, friend from a balanced and empathic perspective. There are always two sides to any story. Reflect on the lessons learned from the experience.
  • If you still have anger and strong emotions associated with a past relationship, it is therapeutic to write a letter to that person sharing how they wounded you and what the experience was like from your perspective and then to either burn it ceremoniously or tear it up into small pieces and at the same time commit to releasing the negative emotions associated with the relationship.

In Phase 2, the Neutral Zone, you may feel stuck, angry, confused and uncertain of what to do next. This is the phase when we often second guess ourselves and question our actions. We may even return to the old job or relationship. The main work of this phase is “getting clear”. It provides an opportunity to envision the job or relationship of your dreams. Here are several ways to envision the relationship, career, or life of your dreams.

  • Go to a quiet place, outside in nature if possible. Write down what you envision in the relationship of your dreams; e.g. someone who makes me laugh, loves being nature, is physically active, is a great communicator, … . It’s helpful to use the stem I see … and let the list flow out of you without overthinking it. Then imagine you have achieved your dream and imagine how you will feel when you have that special relationship and truly feel it in your body. It’s helpful to use the stem I feel … and write down those feelings; e.g. I feel happy, content, loved, valued … .
  • Create a vision board from old magazines or digitally, e.g. using pinterest, of that relationship, career, life of your dreams. It is then important to look at your vision board ideally twice a day, in the morning on awakening and in the evening before retiring, and say to yourself I am so happy and grateful that[1] I’m living a life that includes … . While you’re doing this, feel the positive emotions in your body you will experience when you have achieved that dream relationship/career/life.

I can attest to the power of this process as 1.5 years after I left my husband of 24 years I wrote out all of the attributes I wanted in a significant other and in a relationship. Within 5 months of doing this I met my current partner and “soul mate”.

In Phase 3, the New Beginning, you take action on the vision you created during the “Neutral Zone”. This phase can be likened to a butterfly breaking out of its cocoon and can be a time of real transformation (if you’ve taken the time to learn and grow in the “Neutral Zone”). Think about how you felt when you launched your new business, were selected for that dream job, met the man of your dreams. These are the feelings associated with the New Beginning which fill us up and make us feel happy, healthy, confident and fulfilled.

If you don’t take the time to reflect, learn and grown in each phase, you may find that you keep recreating the same patterns in your life. If you want a life of joy, balance and fulfillment, it is helpful to understand the transition journey process and also to do the work to learn and grow in each phase.

Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share the fourth step in the Art of Change Framework designed to help you embrace change and create the life of your dreams – one of clarity, confidence, health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace.

Are you on a transition journey? Did you glean any new insights from this article? I welcome your questions and comments below. What strategies have you found helpful in embracing change?

 

 

[1] From Mary Morrissey and her Dream Builder Program – https://www.dreambuilderlive.com/

The Art of Change Framework: Part 2

The Art of Change Framework: Part 2

In a previous post I outlined a proven process for embracing change while at the same time making a positive impact in the world – http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/. In this article we will take a deep dive into the second step in this 5-step process: Choose Your Dance.

Many of us often feel like we are corks bobbing on the sea of life, particularly when challenges keep coming up in our personal and/or professional lives, and it seems like we keep repeating the same patterns again, and again and again and getting the same results. Believe it or not, we all have choice. When you realize this and become aware of patterns that are no longer serving you, you can examine those parts of yourself and make changes, whether it be in the type of partner you choose, or in the career or business direction you pursue.

In step two of the Art of Change Framework, you identify the transition or change you want to work on and where you are on your transition journey.

What do I mean by a transition journey?

Based on over 30 years of working with people and organizations, William Bridges identified a 3 – phase process that helps you understand, get unstuck and move forward regardless of the transition you are going through whether it be in your career, relationship, health … . The 3 phases are:

  1. An Ending
  2. The Neutral Zone
  3. A New Beginning[1]

In each phase there are opportunities to learn and grow. There are emotions associated with each phase that need to be acknowledged and released, and there is key work that needs to be done to get unstuck so that you can move forward.

An Ending is the end of a job/relationship/ career. The main work of this phase is to “let go” of the old job/relationship/career and to celebrate the positive aspects and lessons learned from it. Think about a transition you are current experiencing or one in the past that you still hold strong emotions around. What words and feelings come up for you? It could be anger, guilt, relief …

“Letting go” is easier said than done. In an upcoming post I will share some proven strategies for “letting go”.

In Phase 2, the Neutral Zone, you may feel stuck, angry, confused and uncertain of what to do next. This is the phase when we often second guess ourselves and question our actions. You may tell yourself things like “maybe that relationship wasn’t so bad”, “maybe I shouldn’t have left my job and started a business” … . You may even return to the old job or relationship. The main work of this phase is “getting clear”. It is important during this phase to reconnect with yourself and clarify who you are and what is really important to you. It provides an opportunity to envision the job, career or relationship of your dreams. In an upcoming post I will share some strategies on how to envision the relationship, career, life of your dreams.

In Phase 3, the New Beginning, you take action on the vision you created during the “Neutral Zone”. This can be a time of real transformation if you’ve taken the time to learn and grow in the “Neutral Zone”. Think about how you felt when you launched your new business, were selected for that dream job, met the man or woman of your dreams. These are the feelings associated with the New Beginning such as excitement, happiness, confidence, clarity and fulfillment.

I invite you to take a moment to reflect and ask yourself Am I on a transition journey? If so, what phase of the journey are you on? When you do this you may notice that you are in more than one transition. For example, if you recently separated, changed your job, moved to a new city and downsized, these are four transitions you are currently experiencing. It is important to choose one to focus on at a time and go through the transition journey process noticing the insights and feelings that come up for you. You may also be holding onto emotions associated with a past transition; for example anger at an old partner. If you haven’t processed a previous transition, you may be carrying negative emotions and perceptions around it that are important to release. Otherwise you you may bring those emotions and perceptions into future relationships.

Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll share the third step in the Art of Change Framework designed to help you embrace change and create the life of your dreams – one of clarity, confidence, radiant health, happiness, fulfillment and inner peace.

I’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below. Did you find the transition journey process helpful? Did you glean any new insights from the process? I invite you to take my complimentary Transition Journey Quiz and receive tips on how to successfully navigate any life transition – http://pamela-thompson.com/about/

[1] Bridges, William, TRANSITIONS Making Sense of Life’s Changes, 2004.

The Art of Change Framework: Part 1

The Art of Change Framework: Part 1

In a previous post I outlined a proven process for embracing change while at the same time being a force for good in the world – http://pamela-thompson.com/strengthen-impact-world-dance-change/. In this article we will take a deep dive into the first step in this 5-step process: Shine the Light.

In step one of the Art of Change Framework we explore how you respond to change and why.

Reflecting on how you’ve responded to previous changes in your life will provide you with clues as to how you will respond to integrating new beliefs and behaviors into your life, and changing old beliefs, attitudes and behaviors.

A good place to start is to answer the question How do I typically respond to change on a scale from 1 to 10; 1 being “I thrive on it” and 10 being “It scares me to death”?

Another useful exercise is to reflect on past experiences with life changes and answer the question What have I learned that supports me to adapt and move forward when faced with change? 

Barriers to Change/Moving Forward 

A number of barriers to change have been identified in the literature including: becoming paralyzed by fear, procrastinating, blaming others, believing we can’t do something or are not worthy, always focusing on problems rather than solutions, getting stuck in old habits or denying change is happening, and not being willing to put in the effort required to make a change. It’s helpful to think about a change that has been recently imposed on you or was in the past. How do you feel about this change? What barriers do you have to embracing it? I invite you to take a few minutes to jot down your responses to these questions.

Overcoming Resistance to Change

M.J. Ryan in her book “Adaptability – How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask for” (2009) notes that the ability to adapt is “the key indicator of success in these turbulent times. It’s the capacity to be flexible and resourceful in the face of ever-changing conditions.”

Aikido masters say that to be successful in life three types of mastery are needed: i) mastery with self; ii) mastery with others; and iii) mastery with change; meaning “the capacity to adapt easily without losing our center – our values, talents and sense of purpose” (Ryan, 2009). How can we learn to be change masters?

How can we learn to recover quickly from change and be adaptable so that when changes are “forced upon us” (e.g. a job loss) or we choose to make a change, we view it as an opportunity rather than a challenge?

There are a number of studies and tools in the literature that provide us with a better understanding of change and how to navigate it successfully.

Maddi and Kobassa (2005) in their book Resilience at Work: How to Succeed No Matter What Life Throws You analyzed data from 400 studies on organizational change and also conducted their own study of AT & T executives during reorganization. They found that those who thrived the most while undergoing organizational change displayed 3Cs: i) Challenge; ii) Control; and iii) Commitment. Challenge – meaning they saw change as an opportunity to learn and grow and were optimistic about the future. Control – meaning they believed that they had choices and could influence their lives and events around them. Rather than worrying about things they could not control, they focused on identifying what they could control and took action on those things. Commitment – meaning they lived their lives passionately and stayed connected to people even when times got tough.

Tips for Overcoming Resistance to Change and Moving Forward 

  1. Change your perspective – View change as an opportunity for self-growth and learning; an opportunity to explore new solutions and ways of doing things; to put on a new “pair of glasses” and see the world differently.
  2. Slow down and go inside yourself – create some time and space for yourself rather than keeping yourself busy. Set aside time in your schedule for you. Spend at least 30 minutes a day meditating, journaling, walking in nature.
  3. Get in touch with and acknowledge your feelings rather that pushing them down and not experiencing them; this is important to begin the process of healing from the inside out.
  4. Express those feelings through drawing, journaling, painting, dancing, etc.
  5. Express Gratitude regularly – Create a gratitude journal or write down at least 5 things you are grateful for each morning or evening. Research shows that people who express appreciation and gratitude on a regular basis are more optimistic and lead happier lives.
  6. Believe in Yourself – think of all the positive things you’ve done and accomplished in the past. Recall a particular time you felt really proud of what you’d done and reconnect with the positive feelings you felt at that time.
  7. Nurture and Take Care of Yourself – make sure you are eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising regularly; do something special for yourself such as going for a massage, having a bubble bath, buying a new outfit.
  8. Reach out for support – to a friend, coach or counsellor; surround yourself with people who believe in you and are not judgmental.
  9. Identify the things you can control when you’re going through change such as your thoughts, stories, and language. (from Ariane de Bonvoisin, The First 30 days)

Parting Thoughts  

The more you understand change and the more self-aware you are about how and why you respond to it, the more easily you can embrace and move through it. This has a huge positive impact on both your personal and professional life and your ability to positively influence others.

I invite you to share your thoughts and perspectives below on any part of this article. Feel free to share it with others.